In my last blog, I shared how God spoke in answer to my anger and frustration.  During that writing, God revealed something even deeper in my heart that had gone unnoticed.  You see, envy and pride had deceived me into believing that I was justified in questioning God’s authority to create life.  Since when did God need my approval to bring forth life?  What right do I have to say in what is fair and unfair?  And who am I to determine when a life is deemed worthy?     

What a rude awakening this was for my spiritual ego!  Just because I love God and try to live my life to please him does not make me his equal.  In essence, I have been trying to be God by sitting in judgment of those whom I believed was undeserving of God’s grace and mercy.  But as God told Moses in Exodus 34:19, “I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose”.  Thus, what God does may not make sense to me and I may not like it but I do not have the right to judge the fairness of God.  In doing so, I’ve been questioning his absolute control over the universe by thinking that I know more than he does.  However, the bible is clear that there is only one God and he is sovereign!

I thank God for his mercy in revealing the condition of my heart so that I can repent of the sins I have committed against him and others.  I still don’t know the plans God has for growing our family but I trust in the goodness of his heart completely.  I know that he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  Regardless of how I feel, I choose to walk by faith because without faith, I cannot please God.  For Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see (Hebrews 11).  Therefore, I will place my confidence, my hope, and my faith in the God of the universe who is faithful and unchanging!