8/28/2013 10:28:51 PM
Are you there God?
Posted under: Personal Growth
Have you ever wondered if God really hears you? Have you cried out to him because life just doesn’t make sense or seems unfair? Maybe the pain is unbearable or the weight you are carrying gets heavier by the moment. Have you ever been so angry and frustrated at God that you question his goodness or seriously doubt his love for you since you feel so alone? Perhaps, you find it hard to believe he is all knowing and powerful because your prayers are still unanswered. Are you losing hope and close to giving up on God?
Friends, I’ve wrestled with these tough questions many times! I remember the first time I had serious doubts about God’s goodness towards me and his sovereign power to help in my circumstance. It was October 2005 and I had lost my first child due to a miscarriage. I cried myself to sleep many nights and wondered why God didn’t intervene to spare me from such great sorrow. I was afraid to trust God again. With reservations about God, I forged ahead to what would be a long infertility journey.
The waiting was grueling. I was frustrated with God because I couldn’t understand why he was taking so long to answer my heart’s desire to have children. I wasn’t sure if God had full control over the universe after all. So, I began to search for answers about God. I began to read the bible regularly and in depth. I also began to pray more consistently and fervently. In that waiting period, I never gave up hope that God would answer my prayers because each time I cried out to him, he would respond. Each time I wept, God would encourage and comfort me through the music and teachings on Christian radio stations. His words in the bible gave me the strength to endure.
What I discovered in those two plus year would deepen my connection to God and give me confidence to trust him again. For the first time in my faith journey, I saw the realness of God as I clung to him in honest prayer and spent time daily in his Word. I caught a glimpse of the living God as he spoke again and again to my disappointments. I grew up spiritually during that time of waiting and gained faith muscles I didn’t know I needed. God was teaching me to trust and obey even though I couldn’t see what was ahead. Instead of pursuing other fertility options, I waited on God and lived each day expecting him to heal my body and bring forth life from my womb. In his time, God answered my prayers by giving our family two healthy boys in March of 2008 and 2010.
If I had a choice in the matter, I would not have chosen the physical and emotional wounds of a miscarriage nor would I have wanted to wait three years before having another child. In hindsight, I can see that the loss, the pain, and the waiting were used by God to develop my character. As tough as it was to endure suffering, I would not trade any of it because of what I’ve gained in the process. I now have an intimacy with God like never before. I don’t just know him casually but am deeply connected to his heart. Because of this deepened relationship, I am able to trust God’s heart towards me and obey what he asks of me. In obedience, I learn to depend on Jesus as my true source of hope even when the circumstance in my life doesn’t make sense.
Presently, I’m going through another waiting period. Our family has been praying for another child for over two years. Isaiah, our 5-year old son, prays faithfully at every meal for a baby sister without doubting that God would answer. Once again we are waiting month after month for another life miracle. I have been discouraged, wanting to understand what God is doing. As in the past, God has comforted me through the resources of Christian radio. He speaks to my frustrations through the bible and reassures me that he is near. Just when I seem to lose all hope, he comes through in such vivid and powerful ways to still my heart. A few weeks ago, I was having an especially rough day after finding out about yet another pregnancy. Ever since my miscarriage, I began a practice of praying for pregnant mothers, their unborn babies, and the whole family. This would be about the tenth pregnancy on my prayer list in the past 2 ½ years. On this particular morning, I couldn’t bear to pray for another pregnancy that was not my own.
In anger, I cried out to God asking if he hears my prayers and if so I needed him to speak or I might as well give up living my life for him. With tears streaming down my face, I turned the sink water off just in time to hear God’s response to my plea through the song Blessings from Laura Story playing on WCTL’s morning show. “We cry in anger when we cannot feel you near. We doubt your goodness. We doubt your love, as if every promise from your word is not enough. All the while, you hear each desperate plea”. To be sure I had heard him clearly; God immediately sends another answer this time through the verse of the day from Isaiah 59:1. Listen! The Lord’s arm is not too weak to save you, nor his ear too deaf to hear your call. That morning, I wept uncontrollably knowing God had heard my cries! His quick reply gave me the hope I needed to continue living by faith, being sure of the things I hope for and certain of the things I cannot see.
What more can I say friends? God hears. God cares. Wherever life has you right now, you can trust in the God of the universe. He is faithful and his love for you endures forever. Nothing is beyond his comprehension and he is mighty to save you from whatever trial you are facing today. Cry out to him because he hears you. The bible says that you will find him when you seek him with all your heart. Let this be the day you seek after God for only through him will you have the hope to press on!
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